Once must be the first time. This also applies to kissing. And there is always something to learn. For those who have not yet kissed and for those who want to improve themselves.
For most of us the first sexual kiss is a great event, full of strange and exciting emotion. Many people remember when and where and how they had their first kiss. Some were six or seven, others had to wait until after their twenties. Most people have good memories of their first kiss. Even if they felt clumsy or shy or awkward, the excitement of touching someone else’s lips was enough to make them feel on top of the world.
There are exceptions, of course. Some people remember their first kiss as being without any pleasure or thrill. Some remember having kisses forced upon them against their will. Kissing can be so clumsy and awkward that it gives pain or boredom or irritaion rather than pleasure. The expression for this phenomenon is ‘Sweet sixteen and never been kissed, only slobbered over.’
So maybe quite a few young people (and some older ones as well) may benefit from a few lessons in kissing. For it remains a fact that sexual kissing is not on any curriculum. It is not taught at home or in school or in mail courses. Kissing is supposed to come naturally and not to need any instruction or help. This is only partly true. Swimming comes naturally, too, yet we need instruction and guidance to do it well and feel confident in the water. And even if you are a natural talent, a perfect kisser, you may find that your partner is not so good at it, and can use a little instruction.
So here goes.
The kiss step 1: location and time
You can kiss anywhere and at any time, but experience teaches that in the beginning a quiet and safe place works best. So that may be your room, provided there is no chance of intrusion, or a secluded place in the country or by the sea. The city, too, offers places of seclusion in the daytime, such as parks and porticos, but is mostly too crowded. After dark, the city can be a wonderful place for going out, but it is not the best environment for practising the art of kissing. We don’t recommend movies, discos, pubs, department stores, taxis, lavatories, restaurants, buses, pavements or underground trains, for the simple reason that there are too many distractions, noise, and other people. It is better not to kiss intimately in the presence of other people. It makes them feel excluded (they would like to be doing what you are doing) or embarrassed.
The kiss step 2: good kissing
The most important characteristic of good kissing -of good lovemaking in general- is gentleness and attention. Touch your partner with your hands on the hair or face and look them in the eye. As you approach with your lips do not be too hasty, but check the response. If your partner is willing, they show it by moving their lips in your direction. When the lips touch, keep them relaxed, but not too much. Lips should be neither tight or pinched nor limp or flabby. The touch of loving lips is an exquisite experience and should be savoured. Let your partner feel the pleasure you feel. You can close your eyes (you naturally tend to do that anyway), but it can be a pretty good idea to open them at least a little now and then. Half open eyes show that you are enjoying the intimacy and are communicating that enjoyment. Kissing is best when you are giving as well as receiving pleasure and are both aware of that.
Initial kisses are gentle and attentive, so the pressure of your lips is at first featherlight. Repeat these kisses for a while, explore the lips with your lips and very lightly with the tip of your tongue. Feel the response of the other lips, do they open up or remain closed? That is important for taking the next step. If the other’s lips remain closed, while they still enjoy the kissing, refrain from going any further. Do not force anything, do not worm your tonue between the other’s lips, do not open you mouth all wide and wet in passionate and swooning surrender.
The kiss step 3: tongue kissing
There comes a moment, if not now then later, when the lips kiss half open and the tongues touch. This is sometimes called French kissing, not because the French invented it but because people used to think it very naughty or even dirty and disgusting. For the same reason, a condom was called a French letter and oral sex is still called ‘French’.
The tongue kiss is another heartstopping event when you first experience it. When the tongues touch each other, it is again important to let them move gently and, you might say, curiously, exploring the other tongue, playing around it, withdrawing and approaching, like a slow dance. So do not force your tongue into the other mouth, or allow the other tongue to fill yours without response. Very important also is to keep your teeth from touching the other’s teeth. One of the most typical put-downers in kissing is when people forget themselves in what they think is a passionate embrace and hit each other’s teeth hard and painfully.
For this reason it is also handy to remove spectacles before tongue kissing starts. Taking off glasses gently can be a great introduction to kissing anyway.
The kiss: arousal
Kissing expresses and intensifies sexual feeling. Boys will experience a hardening of the penis, girls will become wet. The heart beats faster and breathing will quicken. You feel a warm glow all through your body: you are getting ‘hot’. It is wonderful to keep this state of pleasure going for a while. Keep up the quality of your kissing by not losing yourself altogether, so don’t forget to breathe or to swallow. Keep or move your partner and yourself in comfortable positions, so that arms or necks do not become strained.
As experience grows, so does your repertoire. Kisses will go anywhere. Ear kisses are very exciting, as long as they are very light touches of the tongue tip against the inside of the ear shell. Do not go in deeply and take care to hold your breath or breathe very very lightly, otherwise it will hurt. A whisper into the ear is very stimulating indeed. Lots of different kisses can be distinguished:
- underwater kisses are very suitable for beginning swimmers at play
- musical kisses are rhythmic dances of the tongue in the half dark
- counterkisses are different responses, wet against dry, quick agains slow
- exchange kisses swap drink or food (icecream, a strand of spaghetti).
Kissing gives pleasure in itself and can be all that you do, for a time at least. If you move from kissing to the next stage you can have great sex without intercourse.