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Sexual intercourse is sex with the penis in the vagina. The medical term is 'coitus', which means 'coming together'. Other phrases are 'fucking' or 'banging' and many others which are considered rude and suggest violence. There is the general term 'making love', which is very nice, but can imply non-penetrative sex as well. The most frequently used nowadays is 'having sex', although it is not clear if heavy petting or oral sex are included in that term, which is a disadvantage.
Intercourse comes naturally. It has been around for millions of years. All animals do it instinctively and humans are no exception. The urge to have sex with a partner, mostly of the opposite sex, is the most basic genetic programme that we have inherited: it has so far ensured the continuation of the species.
In mammals and most primates, coitus is usually a short and intense coupling, during which the female is rather passive, while the male fucks her quickly from behind and ejaculates, often within a matter of minutes or less.
Natural sexual behaviour
Humans can have more pleasure in sexual intercourse than any other animal. Also they have more opportunity. Human females attract males not only during ovulation but during the whole month. Also, they enjoy active face to face love making and have orgasms, at least if a number of conditions are met. Since about a hundred years, humans are also adept at preventing pregnancy, so that intercourse can be enjoyed purely for pleasure. At least in theory.
In practice, this is not how it works. Humans are still noticeably like the other primates, so 'natural' sexual behaviour is still very prominent, i.e. quick passionate fucking in which the female has no orgasm. The young male is much more passionately interested in making love, whereas the female is more passive and prides herself in not seeking sex 'with just anybody'. So when he is finally allowed inside her, he tends to be so excited that he ejaculates rather quickly, while she takes longer to become aroused. The boy may want her to climax too, and work at it hard, but if the effort is too much, especially after he has ejaculated, he gives up after a while. She will say that it is not important, consoling him, yet both feel that something is missing. Later, sometimes after years, they may seek help from a book, pills or a sex therapist for this most frequent sexual 'dysfunction', as the doctors call it: he comes too quickly, she comes not at all. From a biological point of view, however, it is not a dysfunction at all., but very natural and 'normal' behaviour.
So if we want to improve the situation, we must be a little 'unnatural' and learn to make love. This is what all the handbooks about lovemaking have always said: the man must postpone his orgasm until after the female is sufficiently aroused.
Sex without intercourse
For this reason, it is a good thing to begin with sex without intercourse. If you can kiss and cuddle without penetration, the girl can have an orgasm by being caressed with hand and fingers. This is why the first intercourse for a girl is usually better if her partner is older and more experienced. The best lovemaking begins with a devoted and competent lover, the right mood, and sufficient time for arousal. This is called 'foreplay'.
The girl must be sufficiently wet and in the mood for having his penis inside her. The boy must be sufficiently relaxed to be able to penetrate her without fear of coming too quickly.
The best position to begin with is probably for her to lie on her back with her legs pulled up, and for him to lie on his side with his pelvis against hers. In this positionhe or she can insert his penis, and he will still have his hand available for caressing her clitoris and the area around it.
Once inside, it is best to keep still and enjoy the feeling of being intimate. In this position he can caress her to an climax with his fingers or hand. It is then a matter of timing for himself to come as well. The more pleasure he can give her, the better he is able to keep his penis erect inside without worrying about his own response. In this way the girl can have an orgasm, for which perhaps she may have to close and stretch her legs.
Pleasurable sexual intercourse
So this is the most important point about pleasurable intercourse, that the pleasure comes mostly from the intimacy and arousal, and the absence of worry about 'performance'. Some lovers are sufficiently experienced to time their orgasm together with their partner's.
If you use a condom you must remove it correctly after ejaculation (see How to use a condom).
If you do not need a condom, the sperm will come out of the vagina after removal of the penis. Use a handkerchief or tissues to place against the opening of the vagina at the same time that the penis is pulled out. If the girl closes her legs she can hold the tissues in place and remove them later when she gets up.
Varieties of sexual intercourse
Once you have mastered the basic skill of sexual intercourse, other varieties will follow naturally. If he is heavily built, she will generally prefer to sit on top. If he occasionally likes the 'missionary' position (himself on top), he must remember to rest on his elbows and knees, so that she can breathe and move freely. Many other positions are possible, but the most important thing is that you can enjoy sexual intercourse freely.
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